Sweet Dreams
by UntilTomorrowAlways
Summary: Kate Beckett is knocked out and pulled into a van. When she wakes up, she's in a dark place. A place where the line between sanity and insanity is blurred, where she can't trust her senses, she can't trust her mind. Will she be able to escape intact or will her brain crack, break? Set in Season 4.
1. Chaos

Kate is walking over to her car, the cold winter air chilling her to the bone. She's had a long day and she's exhausted. Her muscles ache, she can feel a headache coming on. She really wants to get home. She runs a hand through her hair, sighing.

She fumbles with her keys, accidentally dropping them on the ground. Kate curses under her breath. She reaches down, searching for them in the dark, when suddenly a gloved hand is pressing against her mouth and someone else is taking her gun and phone and they are pushing her into a van. Her heart is pounding in her ears. She's kicking and trying to scream and punching and biting and scratching and struggling but it's no use, they are too strong.

They put a cloth over her mouth and nose. She tries not to breathe, tears are burning her eyes, panic consuming her. Her lungs are screaming for air. She gasps, inhaling the strong chemicals. Her vision blurs and her head goes hazy. She tries to fight the haziness, the darkness, however it finally overtakes her and she falls into unconsciousness.

* * *

When she opens her eyes, everything is blurry, everything _hurts. _Her lungs are on fire. Her mouth is dry. Her head is pounding and her throat hurts. Her brain is in a fog, her thoughts are jumbled and confused. She slowly sits up, and takes in her surroundings.

It's dark. Not pitch black, no, but it's hard to see. It's cold and damp. She is on a tiled floor, the walls are white. It looks like a corridor. What...? Kate gets up slowly, pain invading her body with every movement. Her arms have scratches and bruises on them. Questions are swirling in her head, around and around they go.

_What is she doing here? Why did they take her? Who took her? Where is she? Why why why?_

She walks down the hall, fear speeding her heartbeat up. There are broken pieces of metal on the floor, there are papers and graffiti cluttering the walls. There are locked doors and shattered windows. She is scared, terrified, but she keeps walking. This is so strange. Why isn't she restrained? Why are they letting her walk around freely? Not that she's complaining, it just feels... Wrong, somehow. Her gut is telling her to run, run as fast as she can. Something is _wrong, _very wrong. Kate looks for the a way out of this strange building, but it seems to go on forever. She goes up and down stairs, through doors and into disturbing rooms. With every passing minute, she gets more and more afraid.

_What are they going to do to her? _

She looks for any sign of life, she listens for sounds, breathing, _anything._ Not this dead silence, the only sound her rapid heartbeat and slow footsteps. She needs to get out of here.

Finally, she sees a a giant wooden door that looks like an exit. She nears it, wary. What if it's some kind of trick? Kate slowly puts her hand on the door, pushing it with all of her strength. It swings open, creaking. When it's wide open, a gust of frozen wind hits her. Her eyes adjust to the darkness, and she gasps.

The big, dark, blue ocean spreads out before her. Rocky cliffs surround her. Dying grass stretches out in front of her. She steps outside, shivering. She walks towards the edge of one the cliffs, looking down. It's sharp and rocky and deadly. Waves crash and pound against the side of the cliff, ocean spray reaching her cheeks. The ocean looks enraged, unforgiving. If she jumped, she would surely die from drowning or hypothermia, if she even made it to the water. There are no other islands or civilization around, the ocean goes on and on as far as the eye can see. The absolute gravity of her situation finally hits her, and she backs away from the cliff, fear taking hold of her heart, clutching it, strangling it like a noose.

She turns around, staring at the giant building looming in front of her. It has broken windows and crumbling brick walls. It has rotting wooden doors. It's sprawling, like a maze.

It reminds her of a hospital.

She sees a small stone sign near the entrance, faded from the violent wind and age. She walks over to it. She can barely make out the letters. After some time, she figures out what it says, and isn't happy with the result.

_Greysons Hospital for the Mentally Unstable_

She's in an asylum. A _freaking_ mental hospital. She's been kidnapped by a probable psychopath and he's taken her to an asylum in the middle of nowhere. She could be on the other side of the world, for god's sake! How is anyone supposed to rescue her now? What are her kidnappers planning on doing with her? She can't go back into the building, she has to find a way to escape-

But how? She's on an island, in the ocean. If she stays outside, she will freeze to death. However, if she goes back inside, God knows that they are going to do to her. Maybe she can hide somewhere on the island, maybe they won't find her-

No, they are probably watching her right now.

Kate bites her lip, trying to think, trying to make a rational thought in midst of the terror and panic. Her friends will notice she's gone, they will find her... Right?

Suddenly, she hears footsteps approaching her, she hears someone coughing, someone cursing. She looks away from the sign, and sees someone she was not expecting to see, she sees someone who fills her with hope, but also fear and sadness.

"R-Rick," she manages to choke out, her throat closing up and her eyes stinging with unshed tears. No, no he can't be here. They can't hurt him too.

His blue eyes widen when he sees her, they fill with pain and terror. He gasps her name, shock written all over his face.

"Oh, my God, Kate," he whispers hoarsely.

* * *

**A/N: I'm not sure if I should continue with this story. What do you guys think? Did you like it? Should I write another chapter? Thanks for reading! :)**


	2. Glass Heart

**A/N: Hello! Wow, thank you all so much for all the feedback! I am going to continue this story, I am going to finish it. I hope you like it, have an amazing day! :)**

* * *

"What are you doing h-here?" Asks Castle, still staring at her in disbelief.

"I-I was kidnapped last night, I think. They pulled me into a van and drugged me, when I woke up I was here. What are you doing here? Why would they take us both?" She replies, fear coloring her voice, her hands shaking slightly. She takes a deep breath, trying to hold herself together.

"They kidnapped me at my car, at night as well. Kate, what are we going to do?" He runs a hand through his hair, his brow furrowing.

"I don't know, Rick," she whispers, averting his gaze. "We should go back inside, I guess. Or else we are going to freeze to death." Her voice is robotic, cold, numb.

He nods, and they go back inside the crumbling building, now realizing what the graffiti, restraints and broken medical equipment all mean. This terrifies them, it shakes them down to the core. Kate can still hear the cries, the screams echoing off the walls, the struggle, the fight. It scares her, but she remains strong, at least on the outside. On the inside, she's falling apart. On the inside, fear is tearing her apart.

They reach a long hallway, with white doors on each side. Kate doesn't want to know what is on the other side. They sit down near one of the doors. Castle puts his head in his hands. Kate closes her eyes, resting her head on the wall, sighing.

She drifts off, trying to think of a solution, when suddenly a high-pitched scream pierces the air. She jerks up, eyes wide, looking over at Castle. He is staring at one of the doors. Another cry reaches her ears, from behind the door in front of her. She rushes over to it, heart beating wildly in her chest. As she touches the rusted door handle, screams, agonizing screams, are _everywhere. _They are screams of absolute agony, terror. They echo in her head, fill her mind with terrible images, fill her with a feeling of despair, hopelessness.

"S-Stop, please," she whispers, tears burning her cheeks. The screams grow louder, deafening. She covers her ears with her hands, closing her eyes tightly. "_Stop!_" She yells, sinking down to her knees. The screams and cries fade to a whisper. She opens her eyes, searching for Castle. Her vision is blurry, it's breaking up. She sees a figure on the ground, unmoving. Crimson blood is spreading across the floor. She walks over to it, dread killing her slowly.

It's Rick.

"No!" She exclaims, touching his shoulder, checking his pulse. A bullet wound is gaping in his chest. His blue eyes are open wide. They are dead, glassy-He's gone. Tears slip out of her eyes. She blinks, and his body isn't there anymore. Instead, it's her mother on the floor, bleeding out. Her mother is pale, still, dead. She screams out, backing up. Her mother is _dead_ on the floor. She covers her mouth with her hand, shaking. She blinks again, and her mother's corpse is gone. She collapses on the ground, sobbing.

Suddenly, she feels a warm hand on her shoulder. She looks up, wiping her eyes. It's Castle, staring at her in concern.

"Kate? Are you alright?" He asks, kneeling down next to her.

"I-I don't under-understand," she stutters. He was just on the floor, dead, what is going on?

"You got up and started to cry, and covered your ears. Then you yelled 'Stop!' and you collapsed. I don't know what happened," he replies, touching her hand. She flinches, still confused.

"There were people screaming everywhere, I... Castle, I saw you _die. _I saw you bleed out on the floor. You had been shot. Then I saw my mom-," she chokes on her words, "-dead. You-You didn't hear the screams? You didn't see anything?" Her brow furrows. _Oh, God. _

"No, I didn't. I... Nothing happened, Kate."

"Oh my God, Castle. I'm going insane. I'm hallucinating and hearing things. I-I- this- No. I can't be insane. I'm not crazy, Rick, I'm not...," she trails off, putting her head in her hands. Her heart feels like a stone, her head is hazy. Her mind is spinning in circles.

She is slowly breaking.

"I know, I know you're not insane. They must have drugged you with something else, it must be some sort of hallucinogen. I'm sure you're fine, Kate," he replies, smiling reassuringly. But she can see through that smile, she can see the doubt, the worry, the pain.

"I always am."

Exhaustion slowly creeps up on them, weakness infiltrates their bodies, their minds, and they fall asleep, silently, quietly, almost peacefully, until the nightmares come. They make them scream and shake and cry in fear and desperation. Castle decides to keep watch for the rest of the night. He'll wake her if anything happens.

* * *

Something is making her throat close up. Someone is shaking her awake. Someone is coughing and wheezing next to her. Kate opens her eyes slowly, confusion clouding her mind.

"K-Kate, the a-air. Toxic. We-," Castle stops as a cough wracks his body, "-have to r-run."

Kate jumps up, covering her mouth and nose with her shirt. She coughs, eyes watering, burning, and runs. She grabs Castle's hand, blinded, hopeless fear on flying feet. They run, searching for an exit, searching for an escape. The gas is weakening them. Kate's muscles are burning, shaking, her mind is in a haze that keeps getting thicker. She can't think straight. She just wants to sleep. She stumbles over her own feet, but Castle pulls her along, towards the exit, towards fresh air, towards freedom.

Then her legs are failing her and she's falling, her hand is slipping out of his. Coughs shake her entire body. Her lungs burn, heaviness settles over her. Castle trips, tumbling to the ground a few feet in front of her. His figure is shaking. He's gasping for air. Kate crawls over to him, barely able to keep her eyes open.

"Rick, I... I'm sorry," she whispers, curling up next to him. He collapses next to her, touching her face. Her eyes slowly close, and she breathes in once more. It may be her last breath. She hears Castle murmur something, something important, but the tendrils of exhaustion overwhelm her and she falls into the blackness.


	3. Two Hearts

**A/N: Thanks for the feedback, as always. Hope you like this chapter, and have an awesome week! :)**

* * *

As she opens her tired eyes, an extremely bright light blinds her, dazzles her. She squints, confusion swamping her brain. She tries to move her hands, but realizes that she can't. She's tied up. In a chair. In a completely white room with padded walls.

_What the hell?_

Then she remembers the gas, the blacking out, and panic surges through her. _Castle, oh God. _Is he alive? She looks around the room, still dazed by the lights, and sees him sitting next to her, unconscious. He looks so pale.

"Castle," she says, her voice breaking. She clears her throat and tries again, louder. "Rick!" He opens his eyes slowly, blinking rapidly.

"Kate. Are-Are you okay?" He asks, staring at her. She nods, tugging on her restraints. They are police handcuffs, practically impossible to get out of. The metal chair is bolted to the ground. Her feet are tied to the chair. Castle is restrained the same exact way.

Abruptly, a male voice starts to speak from a speaker in the corner of the room.

"My darlings! I'm glad to see that you're awake. You were asleep for a long time, you know. I took the liberty of feeding you while you were unconscious. Wouldn't want you to starve and die on me." The voice laughs a shrill laugh. "I hope you had a nice nap, because sleep won't be your main concern once I get started with you."

A shiver runs down Kate's spine. She breathes in deeply, attempting to keep the fear under control. She has to stay strong.

"Well, no point in delaying it now! Let the games begin." The voice says, and a heavy metal door behind them opens. A tall man walks in, holding a briefcase and a gun. He is blond, has blue eyes and a big smile lighting up his face. He looks so normal, so... Not a psychopath.

He opens the briefcase. He takes out a needle, a knife and a bottle of clear liquid. "This is going to be so much fun!"

Castle curses under his breath, and Kate digs her fingernails into her hands, chewing on her lip.

_Stay strong, Kate._

"What's your name? Who are you?" Asks Kate, even though she knows it's useless.

"You can call me... JL," he replies, smiling coldly at her. He grabs the knife and takes two steps towards Castle.

_No, no, no. Not him, please._

Castle closes his eyes, fear radiating from him. He breathes in deeply, grimacing. JL slides the gleaming knife down Castle's arm, leaving a trail of blood in its wake. Castle gasps in pain.

"No! Please, don't hurt him. Hurt me instead," exclaims Kate, struggling against her restraints.

"That is what I'm doing, Katie," he says. Then he takes the bottle of liquid and lets a drop of it fall onto the red cut. Castle hisses, tears springing to his eyes.

"Acid," whispers Kate, desperation tainting her voice. She struggles as hard as she can against the cuffs, as he keeps making more cuts and pouring more acid on Castle. She only succeeds in making her wrists and ankles raw. The restraints are too strong. Castle is whimpering, tears are slowly falling down his face. Tears fall, burning, down her cheeks.

"_Please! _He has a family, you can't do this to him! Why are you doing this?! Why us?" She screams at their captor, her heartbeat pounding in her ears, despair killing her slowly. JL stops his actions, turning around to face her.

"You two put my fiancé in jail where she eventually freaking _killed _herself. You killed my fiancé, the love of my life. You murdered her. So, now, I'm getting back at you. You deserve this, and so much more. I'm making you suffer like she did, like _I _did. I am making your mind break, just like hers did," replies JL, his face full of disturbing rage and pain. Uncontrolled, blurred fury.

"Please, we didn't mean to kill her, she murdered-," she starts to say when he slashes the knife across her leg.

"_Shut up!_" Yells JL. His facade of control is clearly slipping, he is losing control of his emotions. Kate knows that this is very, very dangerous. Her leg is screaming in pain, the crimson blood is welling, seeping out of her. He is extremely unpredictable right now. But she needs to do something, Castle is bleeding out. However, she can't do absolutely anything about it.

"Ricky, listen to me, alright? I'm going to tell you a little secret your dear Kate here has been keeping for awhile, now." Says JL, kneeling down next to him. Castle turns to face her. Her pulse is beating erratically. "She remembers everything, absolutely every single detail about her shooting in the cemetery. She remembers what you said. Every. Single. Word. She lied to you."

_No, not now, we can't do this now,_ thinks Kate frantically, panic rushing through her veins.

Castle's eyes widen, he stares at her in disbelief. His eyes shine dimly with betrayal and pain. Then they close, his breathing slows, his head falls to a side. Blood is dripping on the white floor, little drops staining it. He is dying. Bleeding out.

"N-No! Rick."

She is helpless, hopeless, about to give up.

What if Castle dies?

The metal door opens, and two men are untying Castle's limp body. They drag him out of the room. A dark trail of blood is smudged on the floor. The kidnapper is know grabbing the needle, full of an unfamiliar liquid. Something is glinting in his eyes. Expectation. Excitement.

He gets closer to her, smiling a cruel smile.

"Time to have sweet dreams, Katie." Then the needle is being plunged into her arm, a liquid injected into her veins. Her mind goes blurry. JL leaves the room, and the lights slowly fade until leaving her in complete darkness. The liquid he injected into her is making it extremely hard to think. All she can do is remember. Images flash in front of her:

Her mom dead in the alley. Crimson blood staining the concrete. Her father passed out on the floor, the sharp smell of vomit filling her nostrils. Breakups. Heartbreak. Her mother's funeral.

Each memory triggers the next one, creating a never-ending chain of remembering.

The shooting. His words, his beautiful words. The burning pain in her chest, like it was ripping her apart, like she was splitting in two. Coming so close to death various times. All of her mistakes fill her mind, all of her regrets. She whimpers as they keep on assaulting her brain.

She's nearing her breaking point.

And then, they stop. However, something even worse kicks in: Hallucinations right in front of her, in the darkness. It must be an effect of the liquid in the injection. Hallucinations screaming at her, dead ghosts, dead people she's seen. Castle dying over and over, in a million different ways, each one worse than the one before. Ryan and Esposito getting shot. Everyone she loves dying. Her fears all on display, right in front of her. Tears are silently streaming down her face. Even if she closes her eyes, they are still _there. _

When, finally, after what seems like an eternity, the hallucinations disappear, she hopes she can rest. But the images have been burned into her mind, they keep going round and round. Unrelenting. The darkness feels like it's suffocating her, closing around her, gripping her with its cold hands and strangling the life out of her, slowly.

She is alone.


	4. The Edge

A groan escapes her lips as she slowly comes to her senses, pain invading her skull. She must have dozed off, finally. She opens her eyes, realizing that she is still in the room. However, the lights are shining dimly above her, creating dark shadows in the corners of the room. Blood still stains the floor. Silence still reigns around her. Castle's chair sits empty, a reminder of what happened earlier. But now, on her right hand side, there is a small table. On that small table, sits a white pill. There is a note next to it that has one word written on it:

_Cyanide_

Kate gasps slightly, tears springing to her eyes. She lifts her hand to wipe them away, and realizes that her right hand is _untied. _The kidnapper untied her right hand, but why? Her foggy brain doesn't want to accept the only logical answer, the only explanation, it's so terrible, so unthinkable, so horrendous:

He is going to make her kill herself. Just like his fiancée did.

No, no, no. She would never kill herself, she can barely even think about it, she has too much to live for, she has a bright future. She would never do it. She would leave too much behind, too many lives broken. She has evaded death enough already.

She could throw the pill away. She could crush it underneath her feet. She could make it disappear. She reaches for the pill, about to touch it, when a voice starts speaking from the speakers.

"Kate, I wouldn't do that if I were you. I wouldn't throw away the pill. Because, if you do, I will put a bullet through Castle's brain. So, just leave it there for now. You and I need to have a little chat," says the voice, coldly.

"I need to know if Rick is alive," she replies, fear coursing through her. He said that he would kill him, so that means he's still breathing, right? Or maybe he's tricking her.

"Yes, he's alive, barely. Here, I'll let him say hello," says JL.

Castle's raspy voice echoes through the room. "Kate, hi. I-I'm sorry."

"Okay, there is your proof! Now, let's get started, Katie," exclaims JL cheerfully. Castle's voice is still ringing in her ears. He sounded so weak, so... Broken. She takes a deep breath when she hears the metal door swing open.

In walks JL, blue eyes shining in joy and anticipation. He has a gun and a laptop with him. "Hi, darling! I can't wait to finally get what I've been waiting for: Sweet, sweet revenge. Time to make you crack!" He laughs loudly, and sits down in front of her, right out of her reach, and opens the laptop. The lights dim, turning the room almost pitch black.

"Why do you have a gun?" She asks, her voice shaking slightly.

"Hmm?" He looks up from the screen. "Oh, no reason really, just to make sure you behave." He smiles at her. She looks away. Suddenly, the wall lights up, an image projected onto it. It's Castle.

"This is a live feed of your dear Ricky. I'll leave now, just wanted to check up on you." JL gets up. "Bye, Katie." She shivers, fear clouding her mind. Kate shakes her head, and redirects her attention back to the image on the wall. She stares at Castle. He's tied up, his arms and legs bloody, his face red and blotchy. Tears run down his cheeks. He whimpers as the door opens, and in walks JL. He stands near Castle, whispering something into his ear.

"No, no. She never said anything... I don't know," he says, agony written all over his face.

"Why do you think she lied to you?" Asks JL, moving closer. Kate stares at the wall, tears stinging her eyes. Castle is destroyed, physically and emotionally.

"I don't know, alright! Please stop asking me, I don't know," he replies, his shoulders shaking. JL hits him across the face, hard. Kate winces, looking away, her stomach churning. She can't watch this, not again.

"You _do_ know. You do. Think. Why would she lie?" Hisses JL, his voice menacing.

"I-I... Because she-she doesn't feel the same way, I guess. Because she was too cowardly to tell me. Because she doesn't really care," he whispers, lowering his head.

"Good, Rick. She doesn't care about you. For that, I'll only make two cuts this time." He gets a knife, and an agonizing scream fills the air. Kate shuts her eyes, willing for it to stop. It does. When Kate opens her eyes again, the screen has gone black. The room is dark again, she is alone with her thoughts again.

That isn't good.

She keeps replaying the image of Castle's face, the pain and suffering deepening the lines in his face. The fear and betrayal shining in his red-rimmed eyes.

She stares at the pill for a moment, fleeting doubt running through her veins. She then looks away, she looks at the floor, at anything else than the pill.  
If she throws it away, he'll kill Castle.  
So she just won't take it, simple as that.

"Oh, Kate!" JL's voice rings through the room. Kate groans. "Did you enjoy my little movie? It was great fun, you know. I think he doesn't like you as much anymore. Anyway, I just wanted to chat with you, just wanted to tell you a few things. Some advice: Take the pill. Right now. Why? Because the suffering will just get worse. Because you'll regret not having taken it. I promise, I will make you regret it, sweetie. Also, if you don't take it in the next six hours, I think I might have to... Help you, a bit. With a nice injection. Okay?" The voice stops speaking.

Silence and darkness are her only companions. No, she will not take the pill. It doesn't matter what he does to her, she _will not _kill herself. No matter what.

She does fine the first three hours and a half. Then, she starts to doubt herself, slightly. She starts remembering things, she starts replaying Castle's torture in her mind, again and again. Her throat closes up. It gets harder to breathe. She starts thinking about how they will never get out of here. How they will die here, tortured and alone, disturbed and insane. How their deaths will be slow and painful, agonizing. How hopeless they are. Doomed.

Then, an hour later, whispers start coming out of the speakers, leaking poison into her ears, dripping poison into her brain. _Drip. _Is Rick still alive? _Drip._ He was bleeding so much. _Drip._ He's lost too much blood. _Drip_. He's probably half-dead, or worse. _Drip. _He is dead. He is gone.

A choked sob escapes her chapped lips. Salty tears fall down her pale cheeks. She believes he is dead, she _knows _that he is dead. She can feel it. He bled out and he is dead. Hope slowly fades, she tries to hold on, but it slips away, little by little, with every whisper and word uttered it fades. Her hand is twitching, slowly getting closer to the little table, closer to oblivion, bliss. Her mind keeps telling her no, no, that he's not dead, but her heart tells a different story: Crashing pain against her ribcage, shattered pieces, a heart split in two.

As her mental state decays, the whispers get louder, some warping into screams. Specifically, into Castle's screams and cries from the torture. They make her crack, they make her want to melt away, explode, disappear. She's one step closer to the edge. She's about to break. Her shaking hand reaches for the pill, reaches for her escape.  
_I'm so sorry, _she thinks as she brings the pill closer to her lips. She takes a deep breath, gasping for air, gasping for him. She opens her mouth, about to take the pill, when the door opens and someone knocks it out of her hand. It falls to the floor. She looks over at the culprit.

"Oh, God, Castle," she whispers, touching his bruised face. He's bleeding. How did he get here?

"Kate, we need to go, fast. I have the key to your restraints," he says, kneeling down and unlocking the handcuffs. She gets up as fast as she can, stumbling, unsteady. Castle is limping, wincing in pain with every movement.

"How did you get away?" She asks as they near the metal door.

"I'll explain later, Kate. The kidnapper was careless. Let's go." He opens the door and limps out. Kate follows, hope blazing in her chest, relief filling her from head to toe.

She can almost taste freedom.

* * *

**A/N: Hello! Hope you enjoyed the chapter. Reviews and feedback are always welcome :) Oh, and sorry for any mistakes, I wrote this in the middle of the night haha. Have a great week! **


	5. Powerless

Kate looks over at Castle as they slowly make their way towards the exit, towards freedom. His face is bruised and red, his arms are bandaged but bleeding. His eyes are dark and empty. She feels a flash of pain run through her as she realizes how close she actually was to losing him, how close she was to losing herself. She was about to _kill _herself. She was about to swallow a pill and _stop breathing_. What the hell was she thinking?

"Castle, I'm so sorry, I-I didn't... I wasn't thinking earlier, when I was about to take that pill, I...," she trails off, tears blurring her vision. She stares at the cracked ground.

"Kate, it's okay. I understand. You needed an escape, he made you need an escape. I get it. Let's just get out of here as soon as possible, alright?" He replies, squeezing her hand, smiling sadly. They head down a set of stairs, trying to move faster, but Castle is limping and Kate is feeling dizzy, her head is spinning. She squeezes his hand tighter.

"Castle, where are we going? Why isn't he chasing us?" She asks, slowing down and turning towards him. "There is no way to escape from here. Outside, there's only a cliff and frozen water. In here, there is JL and God knows what else. Do you think we should hide somewhere?"

"I... I don't know. When I woke up, I was untied and the door was open, the key was on the floor and he was gone. I... I keep thinking that it's too easy. He let me go, but I have no idea as to why. I think that maybe our best bet would be to hide somewhere, but where? He has cameras installed in every single corner. We can't hide. I don't know, Kate. I'm sorry," he responds, his shoulders sagging.

"Maybe we-we should just wait here until he comes for us," she blurts out, hopelessness coloring her voice. She shrugs when he stares at her in silence. "It's going to happen anyway."

He nods, sliding down the wall and closing his eyes, sighing. "We're screwed, basically," he mumbles.

"Basically." Kate sits down next to him, a heavy feeling in her chest. She leans her head on the wall, shutting her eyes. Silence descends upon them, a calm feeling surrounds them. They are almost... Peaceful. Like the calm before the storm. Kate is dozing off when Castle starts to ask her something.

"Kate, I have a question. JL... Earlier, he told me something. He said that you-you remember everything from your shooting. Is that true?" He whispers, his voice hesitant, careful. Kate's breath hitches, panic building up in her chest. She needs to be honest.

"Yes, it is, Castle," she replies, not meeting his gaze.

"Oh. Okay. May I ask why?" His voice is detached, cold. She shuts her eyes briefly as the memory of the bullet burning through her chest attacks her, as the pain of the truth invades her mind.

"I lied because I was healing. I _am _healing, still. Castle, I lied because I love-" She gets cut off when a deafening _boom _resonates through the building, a flash of light blinds them and the walls near them start to shake. An explosion. Their kidnapper is setting the building on fire. She can already smell the smoke.

_Oh God, he's going to kill us all. Even himself._

They get up, fear pushing them forward, fear pushing them towards the exit. Kate grabs Castle's hand tightly, running ahead, her legs burning and her heart pounding wildly in her chest, her lungs about to burst. The walls are trembling. The building is burning, collapsing, _Oh God. _

Castle is trying to keep up behind her. He's stumbling, limping, his eyes wide in terror. He is breathing heavily. His eyes are glistening with tears. His legs are shaking, he is bleeding through the bandages.

"Rick, please, you can do it. We are almost there, I promise! Just keep moving," she yells over the roar of the fire, pulling him along. Her ears are ringing. She can't lose him, not now. They stumble down stairs, black smoke pouring through the windows, choking them. Flames consume the doors, they lick at their heels. Kate starts to cough, her throat burning, her stomach clenching as the smoke infiltrates her body.

She can't breathe.

Castle stumbles again, coughs wracking his body. Blood is staining his pants. He falls to his knees, heaving. Kate can see the exit. They are almost there. Kate kneels down next to him, gripping his hand.

"Rick, we are almost there. P-Please," she whispers hoarsely. Castle nods, getting up shakily. The building creeks and groans, the fire tearing it apart. They walk unsteadily towards the exit, coughing, their skin burning, pain raging through them. Kate runs through the door, Castle right behind her.

They run away, away from the fire and smoke, away from the collapsing bricks. They run towards the cliff. Kate breathes in gulps of air, her lungs burning. They get closer and closer to the edge. The heat from the burning building propels them towards it.

"K-Kate, are we going to j-jump?" Stutters Castle, his face pale and his hands shaking. Kate looks down at the sharp rocks and freezing water. The waves are crashing against the cliff, angry and deadly. Then she looks back at the burning asylum, at the grass that is starting to catch fire behind them. If they don't jump, they will burn to death. However, if they do, they will drown.

"We don't have any other choice. Together?" She asks, stepping towards the edge. The wind whips around her.

"Together," replies Castle, squeezing her hand. She stares at him and takes the last step forward. Suddenly, the sound of a helicopter is filling her ears, she looks up and sees one heading towards them, but it's too late, too late because they're falling, falling like a stone, the air is parting around them, adrenaline is surging through her system, she's free. Castle's hand is gripped tightly in hers.

Then they hit the dark water. Kate feels his hand slip out of hers. She tries to swim up, but she's sinking, she can't find the surface, the current is pulling her in every direction and _she can't breathe. _Her lungs are screaming for air, darkness is closing in around her, she can't t think. Panic, absolute red panic takes hold of her, she tries to swim up again, she needs _air. _The darkness gets heavier. The need for air gets stronger. When she feels as though her chest is about to compress, when she feels the darkness about to overwhelm her, she feels arms pulling her up, up, up. A gust of freezing air hits her. She splutters and coughs, gasping for air. She's filled with relief.

Kate looks around. Someone is pulling her towards the helicopter. She realizes with a surge of fear that she can't see Castle. Oh, no. Rick.

"Rick? Castle! Hey, where's Castle?" She asks the person carrying her. He doesn't reply. "Castle!" She struggles against him, she tries to swim away. Desperation fills her from head to toe, she _needs _to find him.

"Let me go, please! I need-I need to find Castle, _please!_" She yells, kicking and scratching, tears blurring her vision. But the guy doesn't let her go, he ties her to harness, and they start lifting her into the helicopter.

"No!" She screams, they need to save Rick, they can't just leave him here. They lift her up into the helicopter, and close the door. Kate curses, tears streaming down her face. Someone is untying her, sitting her down. She looks over and it's Esposito.

"Javi, please! Did-Did they save Castle? Is he here?" She whispers, despair making her voice crack. Ryan is staring at her sadly. Esposito doesn't reply.

"Beckett, they-they didn't find him. I'm sorry," says Ryan, grabbing her hand. She flinches, a sob escaping her mouth.

"But, but... He was with me when we-we jumped, I was holding his hand! You need to go back and find him, _we can't leave him here to die!_ Please, I...," She trails off, sobbing quietly. She shrinks into a small ball, hugging herself, trying to keep from splintering into a thousand pieces.


	6. Where Do I Even Start?

They take her to a hospital. She's shivering, tears welling and spilling out of her eyes, anger is bubbling low in her stomach. _Why the hell aren't they looking for him?! _She thinks, rage and confusion flaring in her chest. She stomps those feelings down, she ignores them, because she should be _grateful _that she is alive.

However, all she can think about is how _she _should have drowned, how she wishes she could take his place because he has a daughter and a family. He can't leave them. Grief and guilt feel like a giant black hole in her chest, consuming all happiness, all relief. It consumes everything, she's in a daze, not really aware of her surroundings. The doctors ask her questions. She isn't listening, not really, she just nods and closes her eyes, blocking everything out. After a while, they tell her that she has to stay overnight because she has mild hypothermia and is in shock. She sighs, exasperated. With every second lost, Castle is probably dying, freezing to death. But she still agrees. They bring her to her own room.

Ryan and Esposito are with her the whole night. They bring her flowers, tell her how glad they are that she is okay. They never mention Castle. Ryan tells her that they found the kidnapper's charred body in the rubble of the asylum. She doesn't reply, but is relieved. They keep sharing worried looks, keep whispering behind her back. But she doesn't care, not anymore. She keeps telling them to _find Castle, _but they don't listen, refuse to listen to her. So she shuts up after a while, anger rushing through her veins.

How is she going to tell Martha and Alexis? What if they visit her? And they will, she knows that they will. After hours of tossing and turning, she finally drifts off into a sleep plagued with nightmares and memories from their kidnapping.

* * *

The next day, she wakes up with a jolt, confused by her surroundings. She's not in the asylum. Then, suddenly, like a tidal wave, it all comes crashing down on her. A burning pain fills her chest, it fills her arms, legs, her fingertips. Her lungs ache from the smoke and freezing water.

_Castle._ She squeezes her eyes shut, willing herself not to cry, she can't cry, she has to stay strong and get out of here as soon as possible to find him.

Someone squeezes her hand. She opens her eyes, turning her head. She's met with two redheads staring at her in concern, her father is there, Ryan and Esposito are there. So is some blond lady in a suit and a holding a clipboard. They all look worried, very worried.

"Uh, hi?" She mumbles, her cheeks reddening. What are they all doing here at once?

"Hey, Katie. I'm so glad you're here. How are you feeling?" Asks her father, smiling warmly at her. She tries to smile back, but fails miserably.

"I'm alright. I've been better. What are you all doing here?" She asks, dread making her pulse race.

"My name is Lucinda, and we need to talk to you about a few things, if that's alright with you? " Says the woman in the suit. Kate nods, biting her lower lip.

"When did you and Richard first see each other at the asylum?" Says Lucinda, tapping her pen on the clipboard. Kate doesn't want to remember everything, it hurts too much, they're wasting too much time.

"I woke up alone. Then I was wandering around for a bit until I found the exit. There, I saw C-Castle. He was shaken up," she replies, her voice cracking, grief rising up in her chest, tears forming in her eyes. She's not sure she can do this.

"And he was with you through the whole kidnapping?"

"Yes. Well, sort of. We got separated at one point, he was taken to another room and he-he was tortured," she says, choking on her own words. It hurts to remember. Her memories are fuzzy, she doesn't want to remember.

Lucinda puts her pen down and folds her hands. "You were drugged on various occasions, am I correct?"

"Y-Yes. The guy, he injected me with some kind of hallucinogen. Twice, I think. I was fine after it wore off though. Castle, he-he helped me get through it," she says. The room is silent. Everyone is absolutely silent. The air feels heavy with tension, with worry. "Why are you asking me this? Who are you?"

"I'm a psychologist. Kate, we need to tell you something... It may be a bit shocking, but you were drugged and in a dangerous situation, anything can happen," says Lucinda.

Her father clears his throat, and squeezes her hand. Fear runs through her. "Sweetie, Rick... He was never there. He was never kidnapped. He's alive, and unharmed. Here, you can see him," says Jim, averting his gaze from hers. The door opens, and in walks Castle, flowers in hand. His arms not bandaged or cut, his face isn't red and swollen. He is completely fine. She wants to hug him and kiss him but no, no this isn't happening, this isn't real-

"Hi, Kate."

_No. _They're lying. This isn't true. It's a dream or something. She starts to shake violently, her face going pale. "No... You- You were with me _the whole time! _You were tortured _right in front of me! _I almost freaking killed myself because I thought you were dead. You held my hand, you kept watch. _You were with me!_" She yells, panic filling her from head to toe. She looks at her arms, and realizes that they are bandaged. She was the one tortured.

"No, Beckett, I wasn't, I was here. In New York. Looking for you," he says softly, as if talking with an unpredictable, wild animal. Tears spring to her eyes. She is not crazy. He was with her.

"Are-Are you saying that I hallucinated _you_? How? How is that even possible? You saved my life, you escaped from JL and you unlocked my handcuffs. Don't you remember?" She asks, desperation clawing at her heart, tinging her voice, bile rising in her throat.

"Kate, I was not there. You escaped by yourself. Or the kidnapper let you go, had mercy on you. I don't know. I'm sorry, but I wasn't there," says Castle calmly, his eyes full of pity.  
Her brain is going to explode. Confusion clouds everything, desperation makes her want to scream, fear makes her want to run away.

"I'm-I'm not crazy. How did I hallucinate Castle? He seemed so real, he... He was real, I swear, I...," she trails off, doubting herself, doubting her senses, doubting reality.

"It might have been a coping mechanism. To get through the physical pain of the torture, you imagined that it was somebody else getting hurt, to cope with the mental torture and fear you imagined that you were with someone you love. Plus all the drugs he gave you, and the environment you were in, it's a very likely explanation," says Lucinda matter-of-factly. Kate understands, she gets it, but she still does not fully believe that he wasn't there. It's impossible, mind-bending. It means something that she won't accept, she c_an't _accept it.

Is she insane? Her head is aching, her heart is aching because he's alive but he never really was dead, he's fine but she is clearly _not _fine.

"Am I going to go to an asylum?" Her voice is small, afraid, hopeless.

"No, we don't think that's necessary. You will need to see a psychologist three times a week to check up on how you are doing and to monitor your mental health," says Lucinda, her voice warm and kind. Pity shines in her eyes as well. Kate nods, and stares at Castle, still barely able to believe that he's here, he's alive.

Her mind cracked. Her mind broke, in the end.

However, it was never whole to begin with.

THE END

* * *

**A/N: Hi! So, we have reached the end of our journey together. Thank you all so much for your encouragement and feedback. Thank you for making me a better writer. See you next time! :) **


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